I'm feeling on a bit of a roll today. I got up early and did a bunch of shopping, ate a good breakfast, did some work, and also wrote a very cathartic post. Though I find myself wanting to write another. The other post is about trying to unpack my avoidance behaviours, and attenuate perceptions… Continue reading Aim at the big
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I haven't written on here in a long time, which is unfortunate. It is definitely therapeutic to get some thoughts out on the page. I wonder if J.K. Rowling intended the Pensieve (a bowl where witches and wizards can literally place some of their memories for safekeeping) to be symbolism for such things. Either way,… Continue reading Understanding avoidance
I've never really ascribed serious meaning to a video game before, but I have a vast library of fond memories of them. Whether it was because of how the game made me feel, or perhaps the period of time I played it in. I will always remember Borderlands 2 fondly, for example, because I remember… Continue reading Horrific visions of the future
I was doing an online therapy program recently. The idea is to do some self study, write journal entries and use other tools to help manage things. As with most things, I lost interest fairly quickly. I'll have some telephone counselling instead. The one aspect of the program I did engage with well was the… Continue reading Thoughts over the past month
I last wrote about "big questions". The kind of questions that, when answered, might allow you to crack one eye open for a bit, and sneak a peak at why you're you. I have a telephone assessment with the therapist on Tuesday, so I need to make sure I am prepared for that by drafting… Continue reading What do I want from therapy?
Long term depression and anxiety are difficult things. For me they have manifested in cycles of behaviour. With anxiety, anything retreated from is noted as something that ought to be avoided, by the ever practical systems in the brain. With depression, you have negative thoughts about yourself and your life, this evokes negative feelings, affecting… Continue reading The big questions
My supervisor said this to me once, when I was dragging my feet on a project to rejuvinate some old code for a rig in our lab. Some of the parts of the code used discontinued products, and my aim was to sort of keep the structure intact by filling these gaps left behind by… Continue reading “I’ve never known you to shy away from difficult problems”
I have a PhD to finish, and for years it has been difficult to drum up any real momentum to get it done. Although to be fair I have achieved vastly more in the last year and a bit, than I did in the several years prior to that. Each day when I think about… Continue reading Finding enjoyment in scary things
The above is often attributed to Winston Churchill, there is some dispute if he actually said it, but whether he did or not it definitely sums up his character and approach to WWII. It kind of makes what I am going to say seem very small in comparison, but the essence is appropriate. When I… Continue reading When you’re going through Hell, keep going
Nothing is worse than feeling depression and/or anxiety so severe that you cannot get a moment of peace from it. At some point or another I have experienced both, they are different, but the exhaustion is the same. With depression, you can feel totally hopeless. J.K. Rowling manifested this as "Dementors" in the Harry Potter… Continue reading Exerting moments of calm